If you're not familiar with the television series The L Word, then you might not be able to relate to this post. If you have seen the series or have some kind of familiarity with it, then you know about Shane.
Shane, the hypersexual womanizer.
In some respects, I used to be a bit like Shane. I was great at getting women I'd just met to open up to me fast, on a deeply emotional level. I loved it. I thrived on connecting to women emotionally. Shane, of course, gets women to open up fast, but in her case it is sexually.
A few years ago, when I decided that the label lesbian fit me (a label I recently dropped), I lost this ability. I had been going through this thing where I thought maybe I was sexually attracted to women, because I was both so emotionally drawn to them and found them aesthetically appealing in ways I never felt about cismen. I became very self-conscious in my interactions with women and stopped pulling on heartstrings and connecting the way I had before, because I believed that I was "supposed" to be making sexual overtones and guiding women into bed if I was going to be a for real lezzie.
I didn't really guide any women into bed. How could I? I'm ace. I just don't really get sex, and I don't understand seduction. Even when I feel like, hmmm...sex might be an interesting thing to try I'm just missing something that nonasexual people seem to have which causes them to get together sexually. I'm not driven to sex the way most people report that they are.
So I could never be the kind of Shane who gets women to open sexually really fast. But I have been an asexual Shane, in that I could seemingly get just about any woman to be intimate with me emotionally if I wanted to.
I lost this skill, and I want it back! Where's my mojo?!
Have you ever felt like you were similar to a hypersexual character, or perhaps another kind of character who has a completely different lifestyle from yours?