Many people I'm friends with on Facebook and in meatspace are enamored with and supportive of the It Gets Better project started by Dan Savage. I am not a supporter of this project.
While for certain queer people life after high school may get better, for many others "it" won't get better. Dan Savage pointed out in his video that after high school he didn't have to see the people who bullied him or the uncaring administrators. Many people don't have the privilege, for example, to move away from the town where their high school is located and may end up working with and possibly working "underneath" the people who bullied them after high school. Not every queer person's family is going to learn to love and respect them and their partners. Some people might be ostracized from their families even before completing high school and end up living on the streets, homeless.
Savage's story about how his life got better after high school was also basically homonormative. He found a partner, got married, adopted a child, he became a published author of notoriety, his parents accepted him and his partner, and they lived happily ever after (and you can, too!). Not everyone is going to find a partner or will want to get married (or be able to if they do want to!) and adopt a child--not everyone has the privileges Savage has. Many of us may live in various levels of poverty for most or all of our lives, not find a "life partner" and be discriminated against for our lifestyles--we may even face serious violence for not conforming.
When you insist that "it gets better," you're also saying that the oppression we face as queer adults is tolerable. That when we are no longer minors and are legally responsible for ourselves, that maybe the oppression we face is our own fault or that we can just ignore the discrimination and violence if we choose to. Some of us are privileged enough to be able to ignore the discrimination, but for other people ignoring it isn't even an option.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy about teen suicide. I just want you to check your privilege when you support the "it gets better" campaign.
What if instead of just saying "it gets better," we work on actually making our world a better place to live in and teaching young people to respect and support each other? How about we build loving communities instead of spreading around empty slogans that don't reflect reality?
"Many people don't have the privilege, for example, to move away from the town where their high school is located"
ReplyDeleteExactly! So many people don't have the same privilege as Savage. I have criticized savage on my blog in the past, but that's another story.
You're right, though...It doesn't always get better. I know a lot of people who are non-white and in their culture it would NEVER get better. It is NEVER okay. It seems Savage's campaign is targeted specifically at white, western youth. It simply isn't the reality for a lot of people world-wide.
I thought this post was very important
In solidarity,
another radical feminist who happens to be gray
I learned yesterday that the idea that non whites (in America) are harsher on queers is a myth, but it's definitely true that this campaign is geared towards westerners. In lots of places most people can't even go to high school, so even that doesn't apply.
ReplyDeleteBut I also just seriously dislike Savage. He's racist, sexist, sizeist. I was surprised to see that people who were critical of him in the past suddenly were on board with his new campaign.
Well-said. As someone who was bullied a lot in school for being different (in many ways), the "it gets better" slogan really rubbed me the wrong way. I was lucky in that by the middle of high school, people started leaving me alone. But that doesn't mean adults don't bully other adults, queer or not. People get bullied frequently in the workplace, or by their romantic partners.
ReplyDeleteIf people are talking about suicide, I'd rather they address it more directly than just "it gets better". I can't imagine soundbites being helpful to anyone in real trouble.
Agreed.
ReplyDeleteAnd god forbid that you recognize that bullying can leave lasting scars, too. I occasionally mention I have some issues with touch--well, those trace directly back to bullying I received in middle school. Those issues are still with me almost ten years later. It's not always a matter of "growing up and moving away" even if you have the class privilege to be able to do that.
Or recognizing that bullying isn't always down to one's sexual orientation. I got plenty of crap related to my sexuality as a kid, yeah, but I also got crap related to being autistic. And just identifying one facet of that and saying "this isn't right" but failing to address all the others is tantamount to saying the others don't matter.
"But that doesn't mean adults don't bully other adults, queer or not. People get bullied frequently in the workplace, or by their romantic partners. "
ReplyDeleteThis is so true, except that we tend to use more "grown up" words like harassment and domestic violence when we're talking about adults, whereas with children we call these behaviors bullying. I suppose part of the reason addressing these behaviors in children is such a slow process is because in this cultural climate many of us tend to see children (anyone under 18) as innocent, or at least unconscious of themselves and the harm they can inflict on others. So maybe we should use different language.
"And just identifying one facet of that and saying "this isn't right" but failing to address all the others is tantamount to saying the others don't matter."
Good point, I was thinking about this too. When we say something like, "children shouldn't be bullied for being GLBT," (people never bring up A. Ugh) we're putting the emphasis on the sexual orientation and not on the behaviors. We're also putting emphasis on the victim and ignoring the needs of the perpetrator. Not only does the above statement suggest that the behaviors are caused by "something different" about the children, but that children can't be stopped from treating each other improperly--we can only tell them that certain things are not OK to harass each other about.
If we want to address the way children treat each other, we have to teach them to be gentle and respectful of each other. Otherwise we'll remain in the situation we are now, which is teen suicides, and dolling out pharmaceuticals like candy for depression and anxiety disorders
I'm not against pharmaceuticals by any means (they've been effective for me), but I think if we work on making some major cultural changes that they will be less and less necessary.